And so here I am in a van to Cambodia
for my visa exit, listening to mp3s while writing in my ipad. The scenery of
green fields, rolling hills, golden shower trees (which is Thailand’s national
flower), and several rows of green cabbages made me contemplative and in the
mood to write the 2nd entry of my 30-day
blogging challenge. What a pleasant weather, a pleasant day to recall things
that SUCK haha! Talk about irony. Describe a day in your life when being single
really sucked. (Photo Credit: thesinglewoman.com)
Bridal Shower
Being single has its ups and downs. Some days
you'd feel like you're the king of the world. And in some other days you cant
help but feel like a pauper, a homeless person, an orphan. These days I admittedly
feel like the latter. The other day, I was busy preparing for a coworker's
bridal shower. Each of the female guests were assigned a particular time of the
day or night. We had to choose an appropriate present that we think the
bride-to-be can use at that particular time. One coworker gave a pregnancy kit
that the bride will be able to use at 6am. Another coworker gave a
lingerie and an after shower cologne called Seduction. Perfect for early or
late evenings! Me, I gave a teapot haha! I couldn’t think of any other present
that would be useful for a bride at 5pm. Come to think of it, the
newly married couple can sit together and share a cup of tea and talk about
their day, thanks to an occasion presented by my teapot. The party was super
fun, we played several games from Q and A with the bride , to creating bridal
gowns out of toilet paper. However one particular game made me feel like a
penniless kid. The game was called Never Have I Ever. Each of us would say
something we have never done before. For the others who haven’t done the same
thing, they wont have to drink from their glass of wine. But if they have, then
they’d have that glorious sip. Oh the belly laughs we’ve had when the questions
were about sexual positions and escapades. We were all beginning to feel tipsy
when my turn came. My turn to honestly say something I’ve never done before. So
I said it... I’ve been married, annulled, cohabitated with someone, engaged, in
a relationship, out of a relationship. I’ve been single, been a mom, been
happy and in a way successful. I’ve done so many things in my life already but
never have I married the man that I love. You see, all of my coworkers are
either happily married or attached except for me. They all became suddenly
quiet. All they could utter was " It will come, you just wait".
. (Photo Credit: Etsy)
Imperfectly perfect
After that moment, I began to notice
everything around me. Like one of my married coworkers, she doesn’t have all
the luxuries in the world, yet she has a very supportive husband and 2 little
girls whom she adores more than anything. And another one who’s been in
cohabitation with her boyfriend for 10 years now. The rest of the world can
criticize them harshly but who cares when they have each other. Then another one
who's recently engaged to her Dutch boyfriend. They have a huge age gap, but he
treats her like a baby and respects her like a woman. Love, marriage and
relationships, they aren’t peachy but I would rather live crappy days with
someone who's always supportive and loyal to me. Imagine a bright sunny day, me
wearing a nice dress and pink flats or black sexy wedges. My hair neatly curled
and tucked close to my pearl earrings. Me walking in a field of daffodils and lavender.
When with all misfortune, I step on a dung.. poop! My pretty and dainty pink
shoes all filthy. Then someone reaches for my hand and asks me what the problem
is.. He would look at my pitiful face, reprimand me for not looking at where I’m
walking and eventually say its okay. He and I burst would into laughter and
suffer from belly aches later on. I would rather have that. I would rather
fight and let all hell lose with someone. He and I can have a free exchange of
nasty curse words and later on I would make my puppy face and say I’m sorry. He
would say he’s sorry too and we would just embrace each other and order a large
box of pizza by phone. We would finish the entire box while watching illegally
downloaded movies. I would rather have days of difficulty but constantly work
with someone in order to provide a better future for us and our kids. Id rather
be in an imperfect world with a person who’s perfect just for me. Than be in a
perfect world with no one else but imperfect me.
So what sucks then?
It sucks to have a lovely home, and no
one to come home to. It sucks to have a satisfying paycheck, and no one to
watch a late night movie with. It sucks to live in a tropical paradise, with no
one to walk hand in hand with by the beach. It sucks to have a soft comfortable
bed, and not have someone to sleep with. It sucks to wake up on a merry morning
with no one asking you " What’s for breakfast?” or just yell at you “Hey
you're going to be late for work." it sucks when people around you have
someone to fight with. It sucks when your exes have happily moved on already.
The one who promised you the moon and the stars suddenly becomes a total
stranger. Singlehood sucks when there's no companionship and intimacy. Those
things you’d miss. But that’s not my answer really. The worst part of being
single is being wiser, stronger and still being single. Experiencing a range of emotions and learning from them, you’re just not sure anymore if life would
ever give you the chance to practice and apply your learning. Its like knowing
the right answer to a mathematical equation and not being given a chance to
solve it. Its like a teen in love with the girl next door and not have the
chance to confess or express it. Would I have to take these learning or nuggets
of wisdom to my private spot 6 feet under? Lucky me I have a blog! Anyone who’d
come across it hopefully will pick up something valuable. Like appreciate and
be thankful for that one person who takes your shit and would gladly wear black
and white stripes with you in your cell. (Photo Credit:MladjanPajkic)
As for me, no matter how singlehood
may suck sometimes.. I wont settle for anything less than I deserve. I’d wait. Mind you, he’s not going to be the most charming, richest, kindest, most intelligent
man on earth. That man doesn’t exist. Its more of someone who’d hold my hand tightly before we crazily jump off
a cliff. Only my other half can do that. Id live every ghastly, loathsome day
of singlehood to wait for my equal. And how would I know he's my equal? Though
we crazily and thrillingly jump of the cliff, he'd make sure there’s a giant
trampoline waiting for us down there. Or have the paramedics on speed dial. Only
a real man would know that ; )
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